un bout de réflexion

I'm just after ringing in Ireland. All my friends were together for a sleeping over.
They were all really hyper, obviously having a really good night all together, like good old time...
I spoke to one of my best friends there, she's not well, her aunty is just after passing away, and she's all stressed out. She was speaking to me for about 15 minutes, and it was really nice speaking to her. But i feel so helpless. I was usually there to try and calm her down, and to be with her, when she was stressed. But now im miles away, and all i can do is say "sorry im not here".
So far away.
They're all saying they're happy to speak to me, and that they miss me : and i know they do. Its all my fault, i came over to them and i just left them like that. They couldnt do anything about it : i came, i went away.
When i was speaking to them, i was just enjoying it. I spoke and spoke for 30 minutes, and i just felt like i was there. But then, suddenly, the silence again. My empty room with my computer looking at me. Then i realised : i miss them horribly.
Now, i probably am gonna come back to them in October, or at least in February, for a week or two. That will be really, really nice. But its never gonna be the same again.
Never.

Maintenant, c'est clair que je ne regrette rien. Je me suis bien amusée en Irlande, je m'y suis fait des super copines, et maintenant je suis rentrée en France et c'est une bonne chose. Non pas seulement parce qu'il "faut" que je sois là : j'aime la vie que j'ai ici, j'ai passé une aprèm et soirée vraiment géniale avec Flo, je vais dans un lycée génial, j'ai des projets, je m'amuse.

Mais quand même. Desfois, c'est dur.